Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Lucifer Tree

Trees are generally considered an image of peacefulness, tranquility, and beauty. There is the majestic oak, the beautiful blooms on a cherry tree, the soft boughs of the weeping willow etc. I can honestly say I never thought I would find a tree I hated. That was until we moved to Arizona. I'd like to introduce you to;

The Lucifer Tree.
This is an up close of the branches. In the background on the left you can see the trunk and curled over branches of a whole one.

And as luck would have it there is a giant one out front of the house we are renting.
(Its technically called the Screwbean Mesquite but you'll soon learn why this tree decorates the outside of Satan's house.)

Allow me to list its many horrendous attributes:
1) The branches grow at a out and at a downward curve. Like an upside down "U". This makes the thin willow like branches hang down. ie. in the street, over the sidewalk and generally in the way.
2)It produces MASSIVE amounts of seedpods that drop all year round. When I researched this tree it says its "low litter". That's a load of dung! Cause my sidewalk is constantly covered in the disgusting brown poo looking seed pods.
3) (this is the best part!) It is COVERED in these giant thorns. Covered. Wiki says " the mesquite has needle-sharp thorns up to 75 mm (3 in) long. The spines are tough enough to penetrate the soft soles of sneakers or similar footwear, and can easily puncture tires." TIRES! My skin is much thinner than a tire.

Why am I complaining about this angel of darkness turned shrub? Because apparently our HOA has been complaining about how "unsightly" and "messy" and "covering the sidewalk" it has been. And then the city of Chandler came over to tell us the same thing. And when I talked to our landlord about hiring someone to chop the devil down, she said that that falls under rental responsibility for routine maintenance. Major pruning is routine? Whatever. There is no way we are hiring someone. We are moving in a month. So I went out there with some gardening clippers and a saw and started hacking away. After about two hours I got enough chopped off that I think the HOA will lay off for a while. But now my arms look like this.

It looks like Sundae got a poo stuck to her bum again so I have to go cut it off now. Bye.

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